some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just found puke in my bra..
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Congratulations! We have a period
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