i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
