i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
