i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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