mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
