what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
