I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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