i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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