Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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