I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
