just tell him i said nine months
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
