he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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