i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
