You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
