At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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