last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
