and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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