i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
