...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
