It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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