I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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