how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
