mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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