Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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