Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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