Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Randomize
