They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
