Michael Bay diarrhea
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
