i would punch a child for taco bell
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
