she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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