I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
