good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
