wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Randomize
