Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
