even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
