never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The uberlube is also flammable
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
