College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
