This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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