The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I got inside last night via doggy door
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
