my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
