drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
false alarm, still single
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
