Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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