Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
