She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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