She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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