i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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