If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
