my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
