I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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