you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
