I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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