I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
