sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
