when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
